Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Gas Happens

Yesterday afternoon I was puttering around in my office, when from the other room I could hear Mark's high pitched squeals, "Oh my god you horrible animal. Get out, get out of here. Ack, ack, blechh, barf..... " I knew what had happened, Chandler farted again. We seem to have an extremely flatulent dog on our hands. He farts in the morning, he farts in the afternoon, and he farts at night. They are so bad, most certainly not for the faint of heart. I know what he eats, Purina, yet what comes out of his gas hole smells like a dead rat that ate a dog turd just before it died. It is disgusting. Fortunately I have a strong stomach, unlike Mark who vomits at just the mention of dog crap. So anyway, I dutifully took the offending mutt out for some air, and maybe a quick bowel movement just to keep Mark happy.

Later in the evening, while laying in bed with Mark and Chandler, the room again filled with the noxious odor of methane gas.
"Get him out of here! Oh my god that is so bad, just take that beast out of the room, now!" Mark again screamed in his wavering falsetto. I didn't feel like getting up and putting the dog out. Instead I just lay there and let Mark go on until the stench cleared. I also didn't feel like telling Mark the truth, and I let Chandler take a bullet for me. No need to remind Mark that I had black beans and rice for lunch. In the meantime, does anybody know if dogs can take Beano? I've considered re-purposing one of the many wine corks that we throw away, but I'm not sure that wouldn't backfire. Let me know.

2 comments:

  1. Your farts have always been worse than any dogs.
    I had to do a little research on beano. Yep Chandler can have it but there are no guarantees that he'll stop farting.
    I continued to read on and found that cheap dog foods and table scraps are the perfect recipe for the gas problem.
    Purina is cheap and with your description of Mark in the kitchen I'm sure there's plenty of table scraps for Chandler to scrounge.
    No matter what you do I don't think you'll fix it. They say that pets take on the traits of their owners

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  2. Try switching to a better Dog Food like Hill's Science Diet for Dogs. It's more money but it may stop the gas. My cats eat Feline Science Diet and love it. They are worth it.

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