Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Chandler's Brain

"Ahhh, such a sweet bouquet. Smells like it was dropped at about seven ten this morning, still fresh, mainly Purina with a hint of left over steak. Excellent, sniff, sniff..."
"Come on Chandler, quit smelling that dog shit. Let's finish your walkies." 
"Shush asshole. I'm going to sneak up on that squirrel...  easy does it, easy now, it doesn't see me...  Oh goddamn it, you've scared it away. Hey, there's Chase, my favorite German Sheppard."
"Chandler! Don't pull me."
"I've got to catch up with Chase. He's my best friend."
"Geez Chandler, hello Margaret, how is Chase today?"
"He's doing well. Oh my! What is Chandler doing?"
"Chandler, stop it! We don't hump Chase, sorry Margaret."
"It's okay, I guess."
"Oh Alan, you're no fun. Say Chase, sniff, sniff, is she feeding you Beneful? That stuff is awful."
"Quit smelling his ass Chandler. We'd better go Margaret, see you later. Come on Chandler, you still have to shit." 
"This looks like a good place. No, over here. No I was right the first time. Wait, let's go back over there."
"Chandler, quit walking in circles and shit already...  Good boy, just let's not keep walking while you poop. Geez, how am I going to pick all that up? It's spread out over ten feet."
"Well I don't know about you but I feel five pounds lighter. Hey, what are you doing? Oh my god, you're picking up my shit in a plastic bag. What a great idea, a poop collection. Can we go back and get some of Chase's? Where are we going to keep it? That room with that computer and exercise-cycle you never use would be good...  Hey! What the hell? You just threw my shit in that garbage can."
"Come on Chandler, let's go. I still have to walk Sasha."
"Hey, there's my best friend Dandy."
"Chandler! Quit pulling me."


  1. I always wondered what goes on in his mind during those walks. Good channeling Alan.

  2. Funny, funny, funny! I too always wanted to get inside a dog's thoughts - Thanks!

  3. My name is no no bad dog, what's yours?

  4. My name is Gitovrhere.

  5. I'm called "Quitcherbarking!".....