Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hot Stuff

Gasp, huff, huff. Florida summer is back. Hot, and humid, with air so thick that you can move it around like a fat sweaty man. This is the time of year that we seal up our homes so as to not let one ounce of that heavy tropical air in. The only reason you would open your windows between May first and October is if the dog farted. Yes I know all of you in other parts of the country have hot weather, but you get a reprieve once in a while. Five, ten, even fifteen days of hot humid weather, and then you get the cool front. Sure it spawns a couple of tornadoes, but at least when they've spun on through it's cooler.

Last evening Mark and I met up with one of our friends for our regular Monday cocktails. It's two dollar drink night at the 'Depot', and we like to get our money's worth. Unfortunately, the Depot's air conditioning was broken last night. It was hotter than a fat man's underpants. More moist and smelly than the armpits of a country lesbian in August. Sure they had some fans blowing the stale air around, but it was no help. I thought the main bar was hot, until I used the restroom. I swear I got a sunburn in there. Eight, large bare light bulbs, situated directly above the toilet. Thank god the Depot has an outdoor patio. Otherwise we would have had to stop with our third drink.

5 comments:

  1. Are there girls there?! I think I see girls sitting down at your 8 o'clock. I'm not letting my girlfriend read this post or I'll never convince her we need central air.

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  2. Hostess. Yes you do see women there, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're lesbian. The bar is in an unique location. It sits in the parking lot of a fleabag motel full of very sketchy people. The bar itself is a genuine gay bar, but the motel that surrounds it on three sides is mostly hookers, section eight, and dopers. Oddly, everyone gets along just fine and many times motel 'guests' are in the bar drinking.

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  3. Wait. Does a hooker have to tell you she's a hooker? What if I'm there with you and Mark and I want to buy her a drink and I think she likes me but she really wants $100 for an hour.

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  4. If you ask her if she would like a drink, and she has a Pabst Blue Ribbon in front of her, and when you make the offer she ups it to Courvoisier, She's a hooker.

    ReplyDelete