Monday, September 16, 2013

Soggy French Fries

We have a pig living in our neighborhood. It is a very talented pig because it obviously can drive itself to McDonalds and Burger King. This morning while walking Chandler I once again came upon evidence of this swine, a large Burger King bag laying in the middle of the street. Every few weeks I have come across fast food garbage discarded on this stretch of roadway. It is always in the same place, in the street that runs along side the church. I have deduced from the left behind rubbish a few facts about this pig. Facts besides it's ability to convey itself to a fast food place. First of all, the pig is fat. It has to be fat because every time one of the fast food bags is left in the roadway I notice that the order was supersized. Large drink, large burger, and the largest order of French fries available. Sometimes the order has been augmented with an order of chicken nuggets just in case ten thousand calories isn't enough to get through the night. I have also decided that our neighborhood porker does this sometime between eleven at night and one in the morning. That's because I walk Chandler between ten and eleven, and the bag wasn't there then. Also it rained for a short time this morning around one fifteen, and the bag was wet. So this pig is probably coming home from a bar and gets all hungry for some grease. Anyway, being a good neighbor, I always try to clean up after our pig friend. This morning was no different except that when I tried to pick up the bag it literally fell apart. It was soaking wet from the early morning rain. Unfortunately I made the mess worse with French fries scattered everywhere along with a half eaten Whopper. You may be thinking that our pig isn't really all that piggy if everything wasn't completely eaten. You would be wrong, because even if our pig didn't eat a thing, the piggy still threw a very large bag of food out of a car window.


  1. 1) Did Chandler get to clean up the half eaten burger?
    2) How close does the pig live to the porn house?

  2. 1) Chandler's idea of street food, and my idea of street food is not the same. No, he did not get it.
    2)The porn house residents have moved out. I wish I knew where the pig lived.