Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Perfect Storm

Before I go any further with this true story, let me make something perfectly clear. Mark does the grocery shopping, Mark cooks the food, Mark feeds me. Sure I can take control of what is served to me, what is in my pantry, what I shovel into my face, but to do that I'd have to banish Mark from the premises forever.

Time and time again I have told mark not to buy breakfast cereal that has tons of dried fruit in it. My internals and dried fruit just do not get along. Unfortunately he doesn't always listen to me. This was the conversation two days ago as I unpacked the groceries Mark had just brought home.
    "Raisin bran?"
    "It was on sale."
    "I don't care. I can't eat raisin bran, especially if it has two scoops of poop inducing raisins in it."
    "Whatever, it was on sale. That's what I bought."
So yesterday morning I ate raisin bran. I love raisin bran, it tastes so good despite what it does to me. When I am eating it I am not thinking of what will come later. I just power through the giant bowl, enjoying each mouthful of sweet bran and fruit. That was yesterday morning. A few hours later Mark tells me he is going out to get us lunch. He returns with two sacks of McDonald's hamburgers, fries, and chicken McNuggets also known as chopped and reformed chicken ass.
    "Really, McDonald's on top of raisin bran?"
    "I had a coupon."
So I loaded up on McDonald's just hours after eating the raisin bran. About thirty minutes later Mark is knocking on the bathroom door, letting me know he is stepping out for a minute.
    "I'm going to the grocery store. I'll be right back."
    "Fine, I need cat food. Get some canned cat food. What else are you getting?" I shout back from my perch on the toilet.
    "I have to get a can of beans. We're having chili for dinner."

1 comment:

  1. Killing you from the inside out!!!