Tuesday, March 18, 2014

It's Not Sat-Nav



I was sitting on the toilet counting tiles on the wall, when I looked down for a moment. Holy crap! My legs, I looked at my legs and I was shocked. When had that happened? I knew that I had one single, solitary varicose vein, and I understood that my body was falling apart and that I should expect that, but what the hell happened since the last time I took inventory? My legs looked like street maps. Lots of dead end streets, and they looked horrible. The one varicose vein that I had on my left leg had blossomed and spread across to the other leg. Worst thing of all is that I live in Florida and I wear shorts all the time. Even when the temperature drops to below sixty I am in shorts. I am so sick of this growing old, crap. It all started out slowly with a little cancer, but I took care of that and I figured I was good to go. But then my eyes started going south. Before I could wrap my head around that irreversible problem other body parts started failing, feet, knees, hearing. Oh yes, hearing. That's another new problem I've had since early January. I find myself turning up the television to the loudest it can go and I still can't hear the damn thing, so I pump it out through the surround sound system. This of course is very upsetting to those in the house with normal ears. So I have a doctor's appointment for the hearing, but what about those legs? What about those new blue veins that have popped up to the surface of my skin? Take note all you young and healthy little ones out there. The fact is that the older you get, the more your body starts failing you. It all starts out very slowly and it seems that with a quick trip to the doctor it will all be over. But wait until you hit sixty, suddenly you'll find that you have overlapping doctor appointments. Which reminds me, besides that ear doctor I have to see the eye doctor next week. Goddamnit!

7 comments:

  1. All I can say is that my sister, who is 63, says exactly the same thing. I hate ageing.

    Take care of yourself, Alan. I think you need a night out with friends and a few drinks and a lot of laughing.

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  2. Actually Kim, that might be the problem in the first place. Too much fun.

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  3. Welcome to the club!! It is genetic....Mom has had horrible ones since she was young. Alan, your surprise at the aging process tells me that I really should write a "What's Happening to my Body" for geriatrics! I go thru this with Pearl all the time!

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  4. Who the hell are you calling geriatric? What day is it?

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  5. You make it sound horrible, Alan. What happens at 50? I hit that in 2 years and need to be prepared.

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  6. Fifty is when my eyes started to go. I just thought I was always light headed, but it turned out I had glaucoma and was going blind. Imagine, blind and light headed.

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  7. I'm starting my Pennsylvania medical marijuana campaign immediately although "blind and light-headed" describes me at a bar on a Friday night after a long work week or looking at any photo of Charlize Theron.

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