Wednesday, March 5, 2014

When White Guys Talk

An important fact in this little story is the fact that Mark is of the Negro persuasion. He may be a little Jewish American Princess in his head, but he is a Black man, his skin has a high degree of melanin in it.

I used to have a tree trimming company come by every year and thin out the branches on my big trees. It keeps them from becoming like a giant umbrella during a hurricane. You know, when the wind whips the umbrella out of your hands and it goes flying. The last time they came by to do that, the crew was accompanied by the elderly owner in his big green pickup truck. I stepped over to say hello, we hadn't met before, and to try and get a better price from him. Within one minute he started going on about the niggers that lived in our neighborhood. Even as Mark stepped out of the gate, walked past his pickup truck and got into our car, he continued to let me know that there were too many niggers on our street. Instead of asking him if he could trim our trees for less money, I told him we wouldn't need his services that year. When his son showed up the next year, I told him why we wouldn't be needing his services.

Yesterday one of my neighbors stopped to chat as I walked by with the dogs.
            "Did you know that three Black people moved in down on the corner?" he asked.
I looked at him for a moment knowing that this man knew Mark lived with me. I had to think, was he telling me this because he thought I might be intrigued, that I have a hankering for Black guys? Did he think he was doing me a favor giving me a heads up so that I might have first crack at the hot new Black guys?
            "It's a man and woman, with a kid." he continued on.
Now I recognized the tone in his voice. It was the tone white guys use when they are alone and nobody they can offend is within earshot. The way he said it, it sounded as if he considered three more Black people on our street to be three too many. I simply looked at him, gave a little nod, and said "Nice to know.", and went into the house. Sometimes it's like that. You are so blindsided that you don't have a snappy reply for those awkward moments. It wasn't until much later that it occurred to me, we don't have too many Black people on the block. I mean, if you're going to inventory every negro on the street, then the fact is we have a deficit. Because when that guy moved onto our block we had the two Black lesbians and their daughters, the Black guy with the adorable chocolate Labrador retriever and his wife (She had a cute little dog too.), Stan across the street, the half Black family next door to me, and a couple of random Black guys across the street. Now since then the lesbians have moved out, the couple with the dogs have moved out, and the random Black guys have moved away. So I welcome the three Black Americans who have moved in down the block, near the corner. You have helped to replace our missing quota of Negros. We still need more to meet that quota and I have a two bedroom apartment available. Hot Black guys would be preferred.


  1. Its not just old racist white guys. We had an old lady come into our office to be seen for a breast problem. She immediately began ranting about Ellen, who was on the waiting room TV. "That lesbian! I hate her! Why do they have that crap on TV?!" Her son tried to shush her to no avail. What she didn't realize was that she was about to be examined by a lesbian doctor! As the receptionist checked her in, the rest of us were in the back trying to stifle our laughter. As I always say "they" are all around just don't know who you are insulting. Can't fix stupid!

  2. +1 Peggy. Can't fix stupid...but you sure wish you could give them a piece of your mind sometimes.

  3. It is funny but sad so many people say such stupid things even when they know you have gay relatives or black(or any color but white) relatives! The best part about them saying something is being able to make a comment back to them! Usually their facial expression is hilarious - usually!

  4. Wow! How much for the apt for your long time very special friend? :-)

  5. $995 per month. No security deposit for "special" friends.

  6. Tempting offer....maybe I could gind a room mate that likes cats too.

  7. I've come across this kind of thing before and sometimes I actually say something snappy but more often than not, I'm just shocked and can't find the words.

    People are so ignorant. Very, very miserable and ignorant.

  8. I usually will use an outburst like that to "educate", I am limited when I am at work. Our doc lives a low-key quiet life, if people figure it out, then they know but she is not flamboyant. Most of the time a calm statement of "I have a gay brother and son, whom I love very much" shuts them up. Any further response and they will get the full educational lecture!