Soda Jerked

You know that feeling you get when the first hint of a cold scratches at the back of your throat? First you deny that's what it is. Then you are overcome with dread when you realize that no matter what, you're screwed. Within hours you begin with the watering eyes, the runny nose, and overall feeling of crud. That was me on Saturday. My problem was that I had to go grocery shopping. So I put on my jacket and drove on up to the Jewel Foods so that we wouldn't starve over the next seven days. The Oscar Meyer Wienermobile sitting out front let me know that it wouldn't be a normal visit. Jewel was having some kind of celebration. At every turn of the aisle there was somebody with a little table giving out free samples. Some aisles had more than one table, but every aisle had at least one. And at those free sample tables crowds had formed making it difficult for my cranky ass to get by. That's another thing coming down with a cold does to you. Makes you very crabby. It took me two hours to do my Saturday shopping. Normally I am out of there in an hour. To make matters worse, the liquor lady who is actually there every Saturday giving out free samples of booze, was not there. Abandoned when I needed her the most. So I slogged on through my chore, following Mark's grocery list, trying to read it between blowing my nose and wiping the gushing water out of my eyes. By the time I finished and started out to the car with a cart full of groceries, it was pouring rain. So there I am, trying to shove all that crap into the trunk of the car as fast as I could while getting soaked to the skin. That's when one of the twelve packs of soda bursts open and spills out onto the pavement. Cans of orange soda go rolling though the puddles with me chasing after them, dodging cars and cursing loudly. By the time I got home, I felt like shit and I was not happy. Mark was waiting for me.

"So how was shopping today? Took you a long time. What kind of soda did you get me?" Mark said as he pawed through the bags of groceries.

"Grrr....." I responded

"Where's my bagels? Didn't you get me bagels?"

I had missed one thing on Mark's shopping list. Things went downhill from there.