Friday, August 17, 2007

Have a nice trip

My brother Dave the plumber, while in a customers garage, stepped on pebble the size of the period at the end of this sentence . He turned on his ankle, fell to the gound and shattered his wrist.

I don’t know why but some of us have weak ankles. Dave says he has high arches, but I know that’s not my problem. I’m pretty sure I’m flat footed. Over the years I have turned on my ankle many a time. Once when walking home from a Cubs game with my cute little nephews, I stepped in a hole in the sidewalk on Clark Street. I hit the pavement like a sack of potatoes. The pain shot through me and I let loose with a string of profanities that would make Big Al (my dad) look like a nun. I of course blamed the Mayor of Chicago for not maintaining the sidewalks. To this day the Fanning boys think Harold Washingtons first name was Mother F**ker.

A few times I have turned on my ankle and hit the pavement while walking my dog Molly. She of course thinks we are playing and starts running. I of course am being dragged around at the other end of her leash further scraping me up. The neighbors are getting used to it and call their children inside so as not to pollute their little ears.

The last time I fell was at the River Walk in downtown Fort Lauderdale. My foot stepped ¼ inch off of the sidewalk and I went flying into a vendors booth. The vendor was selling wind chimes.
With the sound of a hundred wind chimes ringing, two old ladies came running and tried to help me up. “Sir are you alright?” they asked. Insult upon insult, being called sir by someone who I think of as ‘old ladies’ while wind chimes call the crowds attention to me.

8 comments:

  1. sigh. I've never felt more like a Putz than I do right now.

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  2. There was an objection to the toilet truck.

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  3. Some things never change with Alan. He has always been creative with the use of his words. It always amazed me how he could arrange, in a completely new order everytime, a string of swear words, especially when he would be on call for his job. Sorta like Dagwood (of the Blondie cartoon) when he hits his thumb with a hammer while trying to hang a picture. Goddarn #@&*! mother#$%&@!in, crap %#@!&*, son of a &%$#@, holy $%#@*!, as&%$#@!, freakin %&$#@!, coc&%$#!&%, bastard%$#@&....well you get the drift. He really is very creative....really!

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  4. YES!!! WE PUTZES HAVE WEAK ANKLES! That is why I could never ice skate, I couldn't stay up on the blades.... I think that is also why the sisters who tried to go skiing had problems, or maybe it was alcohol! I haven't worn heels in years because I didn't want to fall too far, only sensible shoes now!!!

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  5. Ah, Peggy. That's my problem. It's the high heels I wear. It's just so cute when I walk the dog in them.

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  6. I enjoy your stories Alan. It makes me feel better about my disfunctional family. LOL You truly do have a way with words....

    I once tripped down the stairs of the bank I managed in Chicago. Well, actually I thought I had already reached the last step, but I hadn't. Have you ever done that?
    Well, I twisted the heck out of my ankle. It caused me discomfort for years. Especially when I wore my heals!

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  7. Russell, yes I have done that. It's a horrible feeling as you step off into thin air.

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  8. Hi Russell. What's happening? I've done that both going up and down stairs. Yikes! Oh, just for the record, I have never worn "heels." They always seemed so dangerous.

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