Thursday, June 27, 2013

Robert's Rules

Living in Florida means having to deal with so many pests. I don't know just how to deal with the bad roofing contractors, and Women from New Jersey talking on their cell phones while sitting stopped at a green light, but I do know how to deal with nature's pests. Insects, we're up to our eyeballs in them. Palmetto bugs, fire ants, mosquitoes, termites that eat concrete, you name it, we have it. What I also have is an excellent exterminator. I found this company about three or four years ago when I turned on the television and saw their ad. In the ad they had two dwarves dancing around and making jokes, so I figured they must know how to kill bugs. I called them up and signed the contract. Now it is years later and we are bug free. No more ants, no fleas, no giant cockroaches trying to move the furniture around. In other words, there is no need to keep the exterminator coming around. I mean, using the reasoning of Justice Roberts who says that there is no need for the Voting Rights Act anymore because black people are now voting freely in the old Jim Crow states, I have no need for the exterminator. I have also determined that I do not need to put any more chemicals in my swimming pool. Sure, at one time I had to deal with the green algae that kept blooming in the pool, but that stuff hasn't come back in a long time. So I'm going to just stop dumping the chlorine and algaecide in there. I'm sure everything will be just fine from now on.

7 comments:

  1. Quit making sense, Alan. Your Democracy is showing.
    I feel your pain. Growing up in Texas we had big bugs also. I was stung and bitten so much I think I have super powers.
    The biggest pest now seems to be the Governor and Lt. Gov. that tried to pass that anti abortion law. Thank "gawd" for the senator from Ft. Worth.

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  2. here is a novel idea to prevent the algae from forming in your pool without adding any chemicals. It's very simple... just drain it and build a deck over it.

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  3. That's an excellent idea, Garrett. But Alan has to include a cute door where wildlife could go in out of the sun and rain and he could charge neighborhood kids a buck to view armadillos, raccoons and the occasional python or homeless person.

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  4. "Build a deck over it."
    That reminds of a bar we used to have here in Fort Lauderdale. They had a swimming pool in the back yard of this bar, but they didn't want to use it anymore so they built a deck over it. No matter how they attempted to drain it, it still retained some water that soon turned to green scum that soon became a mosquito breeding ground. One day a week they had underwear night where if you only wore underpants in the bar, you got discounted drinks. Many of those patrons would wander out into the backyard in their underpants. You could always tell who had been out there by all the little red dots on their legs. I did not partake of the discounted drinks and kept my pants on. I opted for paying full price, and only for beer that was opened while I watched.

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  5. "pouting face"
    lesbians NEVER have underpants night...

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  6. I remember it being jockstrap night.

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  7. Oh yeah, you are right. That was why I didn't want to sit on those bar stools.

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