Thursday, March 27, 2014

Gator Boys



I live one mile from the Atlantic Ocean. I haven't been to the beach in a dozen years nor even seen the ocean in nearly a year. I live thirty miles from one of the most diverse and unique wonders of the world, the Everglades. I haven't set foot out there (until yesterday) since before George W Bush was president. I live forty miles from one of the most interesting architectural areas in America, the Miami Beach Art Deco District. I haven't been down there in many, many years. I live two hundred miles from the biggest tourist area in the entire United States, Disney/Epcot/Universal/MGM/Orlando World. I haven't been up there in over ten years. I live three blocks from a street lined with gay bars. I get over there quite a bit.

            Yesterday my lovely niece, her mother, and her two young boys came to visit. The boys are like seven and five years old and they wanted to see the Gator Boys. It seems that they have introduced the reality show genre on the Animal Planet Channel to little boys in the form of two guys who capture alligators for a living. So off we went out to the Florida Everglades, to the place where the Gator Boys do their thing. For four hours yesterday we were herded around a parking lot like sheep while waiting for our turn on the airboat ride. Then when we were finally loaded onto the airboat, we shot through the everglades piloted by a seemingly bored captain who quickly got us stuck in some weeds while looking for invisible alligators. After the airboat ride we were treated to the official Gator Boys Alligator Show, which consisted of a young man holding an alligator's mouth shut, first with two hands, then one hand, and then with his chin. That was it. This was followed by a photo-op where kids could get their photo taken holding a baby alligator. Mind you, each and every one of these things cost bucks, big bucks, including five for the photo-op and big signs urging you to leave a tip at every turn. I like it when family and friends visit. They force me to take in the great offerings of Florida that I take for granted. It was great fun to see the kids enjoying the Everglades airboat ride and gator show. What seemed like a truly crappy experience to me probably impressed those two little guys. Now that being said, if anybody wants me to go with them to Disney/Epcot/Universal/MGM/Orlando World, forget it. I hate that place. The street with all the gay bars here in our town, no problem.

9 comments:

  1. That's what I miss about being around little kids....they are easily thrilled by things that annoy us oldsters! I hate DW also, no magic- just jaded workers and rude visitors.

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  2. No wonder Dad was so crabby on our vacations by the time I was growing up. I can't imagine how sick of it he was...

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  3. Do the gay bars have a gator show?...that would be convenient.

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  4. I would love to go to Disney, and the rest too!

    Maybe Alicia and Alexis might do Disney one day? :D

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  5. I just looked at this post, and the top photo in particular, without my glasses on. That tree behind me makes it look like I have Richard Simmons hair.

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  6. Jeez, Alan. My sister took me on some hokey boat ride on a lake in Florida and we saw about six or seven gators. But you're a good egg for taking the kids out for a fun time...and good luck at Disney World. I've somehow missed that experience and probably will never go there.

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  7. Ha! How funny. It wasn't until after I posted my Throwback Thursday pic on Facebook (at 12:10 am Friday morning)that I saw this post. And here I thought I would ask if you wanted to go to Disney Gay Day this year. Never Mind!!!

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  8. Alan you know those trees behind your head make you look like Bozo the Clown

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