Alan Rides the Short Bus

In the past I was often accused of being lazy and driving to places I should have walked to. Dennis swears that once I drove to the corner food store from my apartment on Halsted Street. The store was less than fifty yards from my front door and I don’t remember any such drive. I think he’s full of crap.

The truth is that I used to love to walk everywhere when I lived in Chicago. The only problem was whether or not I’d get to where I was going. Every spring in Chicago, as the temperature rises, well meaning folks who were reported missing after going off to the store are found in the thawing snow drifts.

The problem here in Florida is the opposite. For at least seven months out of the year we bake in a superheated, humid steam bath. I live three blocks from the supermarket, and only one block from a seven-eleven. The last time I walked to the store in the heat of August, I returned home with my clothes soaked in sweat and I needed the paramedics to administer oxygen. It’s true, I can hear the sirens all day long. It’s paramedics rushing to the latest fool who thought ‘it’s not that far, I’ll walk’. I was quite pleased to learn recently, that my little town was instituting a free passenger shuttle through town. The best part is it runs almost directly past my house and ends up in the middle of the ‘entertainment district’. So yesterday I decided to give it a try. Not too bad, just a short walk to the bus stop in front of the old peoples home behind my house. While I waited it did start to rain but the bus was on time and I didn’t get too wet.

The bus was driven by an old black man, and he had the radio on very loud. I assume because at his age his hearing might not be that good. That would not normally be a problem with me because most old black guys like the same music that this old white guy does. Unfortunately for me this old black guy was listening to Rush Limbaugh. I think I said something like, "Gee, I see your listening to Rush Limbaugh" or something innocent like that. His reply was, "you have to hear all sides of the issues". Damn liberal!

Before the bus made it’s way to my destination, in the ‘entertainment district’, it weaved it’s way through the entire town of Wilton Manors, to pick up the rest of the passengers. The only problem is I was the only passenger during the entire trip (the other person in picture was his relief driver). So for forty five minutes I sat and listened to Rush Limbaugh really loud, while I looked out the window at all the foreclosed houses for sale just to travel six blocks. I think next time I’ll bring ear plugs. Next time you ask? Yes, you don’t expect me to walk that far do you?