When I first moved to Florida I was taken aback by the way people dressed. I was used to people being appropriately dressed for the occasion or event they were attending. In Chicago at a nice restaurant you wore at least a nice shirt, slacks and maybe a tie. When going to the theater a suit and tie were always worn. Now I’m sure much of this inappropriate fashion here in South Florida has to do with living in a steam bath for seven months out of the year. The truth is we have air-conditioning everywhere and you don’t need short-shorts and a wife-beater (aka: dago T, or tank top) with sandals when you go to Mass on Sunday. (like I go to Mass) 
One of the more jarring local characters here in Fort Lauderdale is the ‘Speedo Man’. This is a guy who I’ve seen around town since I moved here eighteen years ago. He walks everywhere, to the supermarket, drug store, doctors office, who knows where else. Always with nothing on but a pair of speedo swim trunks and a pair of tennis shoes. The biggest problem with this is he’s not pretty. If you happen to be driving down the street and catch a glimpse of him lurching along the sidewalk your first impulse is to scratch your eyes out.
People in Florida go everywhere in flip flops and shorts. Nothing is more disgusting than shopping for food and seeing a seventy year old man or woman with cheezy feet and road map legs in the meat aisle. You have to know when to cover it up. Today while eating lunch at a local cafe, I watched as middle aged guys walked by in a never ending parade of bad fashion. I think the rule should be, if when the wind blows, the skin under your arms flap like a flag, you should not wear a wife-beater(AKA: tank top, dago T). If your waist is as wide or wider than your shoulders, you should not wear a wife-beater. Have a good look at your feet, if they make you sick don’t even think of wearing flip flops in public. Finally, belly shirts or crop tops are not for people with big bellies, just the opposite. Just because you have a six-pack in the refrigerator doesn’t qualify.
People in Florida go everywhere in flip flops and shorts. Nothing is more disgusting than shopping for food and seeing a seventy year old man or woman with cheezy feet and road map legs in the meat aisle. You have to know when to cover it up. Today while eating lunch at a local cafe, I watched as middle aged guys walked by in a never ending parade of bad fashion. I think the rule should be, if when the wind blows, the skin under your arms flap like a flag, you should not wear a wife-beater(AKA: tank top, dago T). If your waist is as wide or wider than your shoulders, you should not wear a wife-beater. Have a good look at your feet, if they make you sick don’t even think of wearing flip flops in public. Finally, belly shirts or crop tops are not for people with big bellies, just the opposite. Just because you have a six-pack in the refrigerator doesn’t qualify.
Now I have to get going and pick out a nice thong to wear out to dinner this evening.
Oh go ahead and just post those pictures of you in the Groucho Marks glasses and nose, wig, and cheerleader outfit walking in the middle of Clark street in the 1970's oe 80's and get it over with. hehe
ReplyDeleteOk, who hid my cocktail?
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